April is over.

today is.. april is over.

i wish that i can spend my life with you 4 ever.

i wish that we can change all the mistakes we made.

i wish that now i'm not waiting for nothing.

i wish that is my lucky months.

i wish that....

cinta kita selamanya

cinta kita abadi

cinta kita gabisa dipisahin

cinta kita segalanya

lo ga sayang sama orang lain selain gue

gue bisa milikin lo selamanya

cinta kita bukan sementara

lo gue bisa nyiptain kebahagiaan kita sendiri

semua yang kita lakuin itu demi cinta

and many wishes.

hello for somebody out there, i'm waiting for you here can you see? i'm not tired heh, btw gue balikan ceritanya panjang susah dijelasin.

susah kalo hp rusak, pake esia dan cowonya ga modal pulsa. jutek sekali hari ini, ngebuat mood naik turun seakan2 kaya ditarik ulur banget. ahh, dia lg ntn pensi sementara disana ada 2 mantan nya yang satu udah putus lama bgt yang satu baru putus hmm 2 minggu/2 minggu kurangan dikit kayanya dan otak gue mulai gabener isinya negatif semua gabisa gak negatif yatuhaan gimana caranya gue gamau. gamau. gamau. gamau.

semoga semuanya berjalan lancar, ga ada yang ngecewain semuanya baik2 aja. baru kali ini gue kaya gini tadinya gapernah kaya gini, khawatir sama pacar aja gak pernah. tapi kali ini @#$%^&*() ngerti gak sih rasanya? :-(

trying to trust you, trying to trust this situation. emang keadaan nya gabakal bisa sama kaya pertama kali, emang semuanya bakal berubah 100%, emang semuanya ga bakal sama lagi.

cinta tuh tai, anjing lo kenapa harus diciptain cinta kalo misalnya cinta bisa ngebuat orang pengen mati? sakit hati? kenapa cinta kadang nyiksa? kenapa cinta datengnya tiba2? dan kenapa cinta harus ada penyesalan? yang gue bingung kenapa cinta itu buta banget?

lo bisa mikir gak, cinta harus ada pengorbanan segimanapun dia harus ngorbanin semuanya demi cinta? anjinggggg kenapa gue jadi gini.

tapi serius nih gue lg nungguin orang yang lagi have fun disana, sampe2 gue masih nongkrong depan laptop nunggu dia ol msn dan gapake ac alhasil digigitin nyamuk sialan.

aaaaaahhh may please be nice to me. gamau kejadian yang dulu2 keulang lagi.

tolong yallah, give me a strengh to stand. sometimes, is killing me slowly and if i can die today i'll kill myself. let this feelings go, god. please i know you can hear my scream i know you can know what i want P-L-E-A-S-E. dear god, i love you.

THISUCKS.

In here, i want tell about my story. I just want to change everything, i want delete my mistakes and i hv new like a new paper but its hard no one can delete and start the new life. The world can't too right? Yes, for sure i hate my life. When i start to smoke, drunk & going to club its make me feel like i have no problems. I'm free, my daddy wont know about me but he just want rule my life be he not know everything about me. Sometimes i love being naughty yesss everbody mess like. God is fair, i met sultan he change me a lot. But everything good must end, hes change & hes gone i miss everything about him. I miss you i miss him so badly i dont know what to do.. The old life come. Drunk, club & smoke i hate this. He change me a lot, he change me to a good girl but when everything end im goin mess, bad girl. Its make me feel better but why he doesn't care anymore?? I still need him. I love you why 3 words hard to say? Its killing me, its hurting me. Please take him back to me, please dont love him, please dont love her like you love me, please tell me you'll stay, please change this situation, please give me a chance, please tell me the truth... I love you so much i hate this feeling why i still love you? I love you <3

:(

Kali ini bener2 hampa ga ada sultan. iya, gue putus lagi salah dia bukan salah gue. salah gue salah gue apa salah dia intinya dua2nya salah. gakuat sebenernya dia selalu bbmin gue ya gpp sih gue malah lebih ngerasa ga hampa lagi tp pas udah selesai bbman rasa hampa itu dtg lagi.. susah ngelepasin orang yang bener2 disayang banget. dan satu hal nyokap gue selalu nanyain sultan kenapa gamain kerumah lagi dan lo pasti ngerti rasanya gimana. Huff gangerti harus gimana, gue udah berusaha nahan semuanya nahan sakitnya nahan sayangnya nahan sedihnya semuanya gue tahan sampe gue bener2 gakuat. gue nyoba keliatan kuat depan dia karna gue gamau liat dia sedih gue harus nyoba jadi apa yang dia mau, gue gaboleh sedih gue harus tegar sultan cuma mau itu dr gue. sekarang semua ancur gue yang diubah dia jadi baik skrg malah jadi makin buruk bukan mau gimana2 I'M STRESSED OUT. mungkin ini bukan cara yang baik buat gue nenangin diri tapi cuma ini doang yang bisa ngebuat gue tenang, all change. kalo dia ngerti gimana rasanya kalo dia tau gimana rasanya ngeliat dia yang udah punya cewe lain dan bahagia sm cewe itu. gue bener2 garela lo jadian gue bener2 gamau liat lo seneng sm cewe lo, gue cuma mau orang itu gue doang gue gamau lo senyum seneng dr orang lain gue cuma mau ketawa lo dr gue bkn cewe baru lo. its hurt me so bad, lo bercanda2 sama cewe lo ngasih vn ke cewe lo ngasih semua cerita lo ke cewe lo & semuanya itu that should be me. that should be me can feel your kiss, that should be me give you funny joke THAT SHOULD BE ME. maaf ya sesayang2nya gue sm cowo gue nanti, gabakal bisa gantiin lo di hati gue karna org kaya lo cuma lo doang. dude, i love you just the way you are. kita kan udah saling bisa ngertiin, udah saling tau sifat masing2. tp terserah lo skrg, kalo lo lebih bahagia sm cwe lo yang skrg, gue gapapa kok asal cewe lo bisa ngejaga lo itu doang yang gue mau. semoga cewe lo bisa ngasih tau yang mana yang bener yang mana yang ngga. gue cuma gasuka liat lo ngerooko atau apalaah ahhaha tp terserahhh looo udh bukan urusan buat gue. Kbyee.

march sucks

hello march. i hate you by the way. bad month bad story and bad life WHY YOU SO SUCKS?! fuck you, god change march please or erase march i really hate this month for sure. let me change march to hm idk HAHA. ok, i hv a reason why i hate march
1. my life getting sucks
2. depression
3. crying everyday
OK. MANY REASON THAT I CAN'T SAY.

12 march saturday 2011 --> broke up
hes change a lot guys, i hate when a boy change. yes, i really sad i hate being sad. mommyyy help me and i cant stand i cant hide my tears ok, he's tired he's know that i lie. this is my mistakes, i drink in the club but i just try and i wont drink and let myself drunk. i hate 12 march, i let he go he let me go and do u know? i cry everyday i miss everything about him I REALLY MISS HIM. i think he loves somebody eles but wht he dont :) he still love me and i really happy. but why he so easy to let me go? when i know i cant its harder than you know honeyy. i chat w/ him he greet me in bbm

S: halo ihihi
A: hahh (mean i'm shock)
S: kenapa..
A: kenapa?
S: gapapa ciit
A: di ancol?
S: iyaa
A: ok take caree.
S: iyaa makasih yaa
A: smsmm

yes god i cant hide my tears. i cant hide my sad.

13 march sunday 2011

i change my display picture (sultan photo when he fall asslep in my room)
and when he woke up he greet me again he ask me why i answer i still love you & he say i still love you too. OHHH SO BAD SO BAD SO BAD SHOCK SHOCK ITS MAKE ME SAD AND CRY *AGAIN* MY TEARS RUN DOWN SO FAST. I CANT HIDE!!
and i ask i want to be yours, i'll change everything. ok he say yes. YOU KNOW? HE MINE. HORAY ITS MAKE ME FEEL BETTER, GOD YOU LISTEN MY WISH. but why he so dfrnt? SO DIFFERENT. he change a lot, i know he still hv pain bcos i lie. but i'll try to be the best.. i always try.

ps: i love you sultan notonegoro.

w life & new story

halooo. sebenernya ini blog udah lama banget2 dan isinya juga udah banyak tapi berhubungan udah gapenting lagi jadi gue apus terus tinggal 3 isinya sih penting tentang temen2 gitu nah skrg gue mau cerita, a new story & new life pastinya. sho sho.. skrg anak2 udah berubah semua mencar2 & lupa kayanya sama temen2 lamanya, sedih sih iya pengen gt rasanya gabungin lagi tp gimana caranya tapi ga semuanya mencar sih kadang2 masih bareng dan masih kerasa banget solidnya mereka :-D disini gue mau cerita tentangg yang baru deh dr awal aja kali nih. im sultan's jadi.. pas tanggal 22 sultan nembak pake voice note lucu gitu suaranya cadel2 ok dr awal. jadi waktu gue blm tidur insomnia gitu gue masang pm "greet" dan tbtb ada yang nyapa gitu namanya sultan hahahah gila sebenernya dulu pengen bgt kenalan sm sultan tbtb nyapa hm rahasia. terus chat gitu udah tuh ga chat2 lagi pas kapan gt dia nyapa lagi nah deket2 terus jujur2an dll pas tanggal 22 dia nembak berhubungan gue gasuka tanggal 22 jadi gue blg gue mau nerimanya besok terus akhirnya besoknya gue udah jadian ;) udah kan dan pertama mlm mingguan pas galaxee! kangen banget, pas sore2nya dia kerumah kan terus ketemuan lagi di galaxee. gue sm sultan udah hampir 2 bulaan cuy, di 1 bulan itu kita udah kaya ada masalah & dimasalah itu gue baru tau sifatnya sultan gimana dia emosian banget ternyata tp gapapa jadi saling ngerti sifat2nya. AND WHAT THE HELL dari hari jumat gue ada masalah sampe skrg blm tuntasss emang sih nyadar gue bego ngebohongin tapi ya gimana, bohong demi kebaikan. skrg ga ada kabar2an gt kita terakhir semalem dia blg lg mau sendiri jadi ya gt deh, sakit sih gakuat sebenernya gini pengen nyapa tp lg berantem. kangen bangeeet pengen teriak banget rasanya tuh udah nyampe hati udah nusuk banget tp gabisa ngungkapin juga, bingung kerjaan nya cuma nangis2 doang dr kmrn ga ada cara lain buat nenangin hati :( hari ini kayanya dia mau pergi jaga diri aja jangan sampe yang aneh2. i know kok lo masih sering ngerokok banyak2 gue gabisa ngelarang, udah capek ngelarangnya pdhl demi kebaikan lo juga mau gimana lagi yakaaannn haha ok gbyeee gakuat bawaan nya mau nangis daah

ps: i try to be the best for you. i'll change for you & i miss the old you.